BlogYYY
Sunday, October 14, 2007,10:06 PM
Conformity and denial
Over the past few weeks, I've come to realise that the things I do, the decisions i make, are constantly governed by what people think, and what people want. Why am I afraid to pursue my own happiness?
Perhaps it's really due to the fact that I really owe my family too much. I own him too much also. Way too much to want to disappoint them with the decisions I make. The decision I make with my heart, does not equal the decision I will make with my head. So what's next? There isn't any time left to look back anyway.
I've been so caught up with my own doings, that I've neglected the people around me. I've forgotten about spending quality time with family and friends. I've even neglected my own work. These few weeks, my routine is : at work, dinner with L, home, continue with work. Weekends are spent with him, continuing with work, preparing for THE day, and more work. Then the cycle continues. It's bad i know. It has to end sometime, somehow. When? I'm not too sure. This darkness I'm living in, I'm afraid to bring to light. I dun wan to be judged. I dun wan to be reminded of the reality that will soon come my way.
How true, what 5446 has said ----->
Each choice we make causes a ripple effect in our lives. When things happen to us, it is the reaction we choose that can create the difference between the sorrows of our past and the joy in our future. I've made a choice that will cause not only a ripple effect in my life, but in the life of another person as well. I'm afraid of hurting another person. But what am i doing about it? Nothing. Why? Perhaps it is because I'm in major denial. Perhaps it is also due to the fact that I do not want to bring sorrow to that individual. I do not want to stop living the life which I think i should rightfully lead, but I am denied of.
A simple girl who seeks to seize and treasure each precious moment in life. She craves spending time with those she love, esp the friends and loved ones around her. Life doesn't go on forever, so each moment is precious to her. Polka dots, ribbons, boots, blings, beautiful bags, cupcakes and giraffes tickle her pink!
