BlogYYY
Sunday, August 5, 2007,10:34 PM
What's reality? Random thoughts...
New blog. New skin. New inspiration. Weekend's over soon. Spent weekend with him, but mind (and perhaps even my heart) was somewhere far far away. I feel myself running away from reality. Wedding's almost 4 months down the road, but it seems like I've accumulated 400 more reasons to confuse myself even more. Someone special admitted to me that he is not seeing anyone at the moment because he's afraid to face reality. I think i'm feeling it too, and the more the thought sinks in, the more fearful i get. What in the world is reality in the first place? For me, i think reality is facing the cold hard truth that I am getting married one fine day. Argh...it's scary. Do i dare face it? I'm not sure. I think i'm marrying someone I am committed to, and not because of true love. Is it even fair to him or the other? I've been seeing the other regularly every week and each time I see him, it makes it even more difficult for me to let go. I constantly ask myself- Is my journey with him going to end on my big day? I don't want to. But I've gotta be fair to him. There are times when I cant decide whether to see him or not, I want to see him because I miss him but there are times when I don't want to see him because every time I do, the fact that he doesn't see me the way that I see him hurts me even more....I can't pretend i feel nothing, because the fact is...I do...